Sometimes It's Hard To Be A Mother

How do we help our children make sense of horrible life events? How do we, as mothers, make sense of them ourselves?

Yesterday, I received a phone call from my daugher who was at work. She was sobbing so hard that I could barely make sense of what she was telling me. A friend and classmate of hers was killed in a car accident. This 17 year old young man had the brightest future ahead of him. He was applying to the Naval Academy, he was going to start varsity football this year, he was preparing to visit other colleges this coming week. He was living the life that many of us dream of for our children. I knew him because I am a teacher at my daughter's high school. He was highly regarded as a student and known as a kind and generous person. He was also my daughter's first high school crush.

I immediately went to console my daughter. As I held her in my arms, I wanted so desperately to be able to find the right words to say to her, but they were hard to find. It was and is painful for me to watch her as she experiences her first loss of a contemporary.

Over the last 24 hours my thoughts have also been drawn to his mother. As a mother, the lioness whose mission is to protect and love her children, how must she feel? I cannot even begin to imagine. We are never supposed to bury our children. It feels totally out the of natural order, but yet it happens.

Life lessons can be so difficult for our children and for us as well, but in this craziness I am sure there is something to learn. The abrupt end to the life of this young man, may very well serve as lesson to all of us, but in our immediate grief, we cannot see it. We must remain open to receive it and appreciate it.