Is Divorce Ever Equitable?

Let me begin by saying that I am not a divorce lawyer and any experience I have in this arena is strictly personal experience; both my own and experience via observation of my friends, colleagues and acquaintances. That being said, this blog entry may be a bit emotional and yes a bit angry.]

A friend of mine is currently going through a divorce. After 24 years of marriage, her husband found the company of a 25 year old and her small child more appealing than the life he had built with his wife and their two sons. Ok, ok it's the same old song and dance. Most of us have heard this tale more than we care to admit. After a little over a year and a half of pain, humiliation, anger and a host of other emotions, the time has come for the end. Now is the time that their 24 years of marriage is reduced to dollar signs and possessions.

In the state of New Jersey, divorce is all about equitable distribution. The definition of equitable is "characterized by equity or fairness; just and right; fair; reasonable." At her mediation the other day, this 51 year old baby boomer, who has worked diligently in education for the last 27 years, while raising her two sons and contributing more than her "fair share" during the course of her marriage was informed that she would most likely be surrendering between 45 and 50% of her pension to the man whose actions deleted a history just as easily as pushing the delete button on the computer. His employement over the years has not yielded much in the way of pension. Oh yeah, and let's not forget that she will need to sell her house of 20 years too to pay him his share. Call me crazy, but this just doesn't seem "equitable!" Not only has her life past and present been shattered, her future is shattered as well.

It is hard to comfort my friend on her down days. She is hurt, pissed and often afraid. To tell you the truth, I am pissed for her. Is the moral of the story screw whomever you want, literally and figuratively, but it will be OK? How can it be that in 2009 it is still the woman who suffers more financially as a result of divorce? How nice for him to know that his future is secure so that he can begin his new life in peace. That seems "equitable" doesn't it?