Is Divorce Ever Equitable?

Let me begin by saying that I am not a divorce lawyer and any experience I have in this arena is strictly personal experience; both my own and experience via observation of my friends, colleagues and acquaintances. That being said, this blog entry may be a bit emotional and yes a bit angry.]

A friend of mine is currently going through a divorce. After 24 years of marriage, her husband found the company of a 25 year old and her small child more appealing than the life he had built with his wife and their two sons. Ok, ok it's the same old song and dance. Most of us have heard this tale more than we care to admit. After a little over a year and a half of pain, humiliation, anger and a host of other emotions, the time has come for the end. Now is the time that their 24 years of marriage is reduced to dollar signs and possessions.

In the state of New Jersey, divorce is all about equitable distribution. The definition of equitable is "characterized by equity or fairness; just and right; fair; reasonable." At her mediation the other day, this 51 year old baby boomer, who has worked diligently in education for the last 27 years, while raising her two sons and contributing more than her "fair share" during the course of her marriage was informed that she would most likely be surrendering between 45 and 50% of her pension to the man whose actions deleted a history just as easily as pushing the delete button on the computer. His employement over the years has not yielded much in the way of pension. Oh yeah, and let's not forget that she will need to sell her house of 20 years too to pay him his share. Call me crazy, but this just doesn't seem "equitable!" Not only has her life past and present been shattered, her future is shattered as well.

It is hard to comfort my friend on her down days. She is hurt, pissed and often afraid. To tell you the truth, I am pissed for her. Is the moral of the story screw whomever you want, literally and figuratively, but it will be OK? How can it be that in 2009 it is still the woman who suffers more financially as a result of divorce? How nice for him to know that his future is secure so that he can begin his new life in peace. That seems "equitable" doesn't it?

Menopause and Insomnia - What About Melatonin?

After I had children I thought that I would never sleep through the night again. There was a brief respite between the ages of 5 and 16, but then the kids started driving and sleepless nights started again.

Now, it's perimenopause/menopause and a night of solid, blissful sleep alludes me. Frequently women in transition awake several times a night. We can thank our ovaries for that. They stop producing as much estrogen as they used to and we are thrown into hormonal swings that can make us want to howl like coyotes during the day, and leave us watching the clock in the middle of the night.

Melatonin is another issue. It is a natural hormone produced by the pineal gland that promotes sleep. The pineal gland turns off during the day when it is light, and turns on at night. Melatonin is produced in greater levels when we are young, but production slows down as we age. It is thought that this may be another reason why we have difficulty sleeping as we get older.

Synthetic melatonin is produced, but because it is not categorized as a drug, it does not need FDA approval. In addition, studies concerning the effects and benefits of synthetic melatonin are somewhat inconclusive. Personally, I am always hesitant about taking any type of medication or supplements. So, I am seeking feedback for myself and for others who may be thinking about this.

If you have tried melatonin, what have been your experiences? Have you used it occasionally or on a regular basis? Any side effects? Did it work?