Mothers, Daughters and Empty Nesting

My relationship with my mother was somewhat tumultuous. Eighteen years ago, when I found out that the child I was carrying was a girl, I was nervous. I knew from the start that I wanted to have a better relationship with my daughter that I had with my own mother, but wasn't sure I would know how. Over the last 18 years I have worked hard at trying to nurture my girl, and nurture our relationship.

My daughter and I are now at a transition in our relationship. She is about to graduate from high school and will leave for college in August. This past week, she left for her senior class trip to Florida. When I dropped her off at school early Sunday morning I watched her as she excitedly pulled her suitcase away from the car to embark on her journey and I cried. Although I have been thinking about her impending departure this August, this brief trip really brought it home for me. Soon, she will be off on her own to a certain degree and I am filled with such mixed emotions. Is this what it will feel like to be an "empty nester?" Have I done my job well? Will we still be able to enjoy the closeness and the bond that we have forged with each other?

I talked about this with my girlfriends this week. Some of them have have already made this transition and offered advice. They tell me that this is a time of new exploration for myself. My husband and I will have the freedom to do things without constraint. I will have more time to grow my fledgling wicking sleepwear business. I will now will have time for me! However, I am still feeling a bit shaky.

My daughter returned home at 1:15 a.m. on Wednesday. Although tired, she was eager to talk and we did....until 3 when I had to close my eyes so that I could get up for work at 6. She was bubbling with stories and anecdotes. Yesterday she bounded into the house with her pictures of her trip. Again, we sat together, looked at each and she recounted exactly where she was and what was happening in each. As she talked, I just watched her. She is so beautiful, full of life and eagerly anticipating the changes ahead of her. She is blossoming into a beautiful young woman and yes....she still wants to share it with me.

The worries I had 18 years ago are faded, but I must admit that this time for me is bittersweet.