Is Divorce Ever Equitable?

Let me begin by saying that I am not a divorce lawyer and any experience I have in this arena is strictly personal experience; both my own and experience via observation of my friends, colleagues and acquaintances. That being said, this blog entry may be a bit emotional and yes a bit angry.]

A friend of mine is currently going through a divorce. After 24 years of marriage, her husband found the company of a 25 year old and her small child more appealing than the life he had built with his wife and their two sons. Ok, ok it's the same old song and dance. Most of us have heard this tale more than we care to admit. After a little over a year and a half of pain, humiliation, anger and a host of other emotions, the time has come for the end. Now is the time that their 24 years of marriage is reduced to dollar signs and possessions.

In the state of New Jersey, divorce is all about equitable distribution. The definition of equitable is "characterized by equity or fairness; just and right; fair; reasonable." At her mediation the other day, this 51 year old baby boomer, who has worked diligently in education for the last 27 years, while raising her two sons and contributing more than her "fair share" during the course of her marriage was informed that she would most likely be surrendering between 45 and 50% of her pension to the man whose actions deleted a history just as easily as pushing the delete button on the computer. His employement over the years has not yielded much in the way of pension. Oh yeah, and let's not forget that she will need to sell her house of 20 years too to pay him his share. Call me crazy, but this just doesn't seem "equitable!" Not only has her life past and present been shattered, her future is shattered as well.

It is hard to comfort my friend on her down days. She is hurt, pissed and often afraid. To tell you the truth, I am pissed for her. Is the moral of the story screw whomever you want, literally and figuratively, but it will be OK? How can it be that in 2009 it is still the woman who suffers more financially as a result of divorce? How nice for him to know that his future is secure so that he can begin his new life in peace. That seems "equitable" doesn't it?

What is Your Stimulus Plan?

Wow!! The Dow was up 377 points today! Yipee!! Does that mean anything to you? Are you like the millions of people who watch the Dow daily and cringe with fear and worry every time it drops just a bit more? Are you like me and most of my baby boomer friends who don't even want to open their next statements because what has transpired over the last few months may mean that their plans for retirement may need to be, well... retired for a little while?

I think that each of us has taken a different attitude about the current financial status in which we currently find ourselves. One friend of mine immediately withdrew all of her family's investments/retirement money and put it into a plain, old savings account.

Another friend and her husband have decided to truly stimulate the economy by buying a new car and renovating their kitchen. They have excellent credit, and very stable jobs. They had been wanting to make these changes and with their retirement just a few years off, they figured now would be the time.

I, and many of my colleagues and friends, left my money where it was never dreaming that the market would hit 6000. I spoke with my investment broker last week and he confirmed what I suspected.....I would take a major bath if I pulled out now, so I just need to ride it out. He believes that we should see a turn around beginning around the end of April/beginning of May. For all of our sakes, I hope he is right.

I am fortunate to have a career that is recession/depression proof, teaching. So I am not worried about losing my job. However, I do have another college tuition to take care of and worry about student loan money drying up.

I have a son who will be graduating from college this year with a marketing degree....oh heavens....I think he will be inhabiting his freshly painted room again as he looks for a job. I do worry about his future.

There is no doubt about it, my wicking sleepwear business, Lunar Radiance has been a bit slower than it was this time last year, but by no means is it ready to float belly up...so that is good news.

Almost everyone is impacted in some shape or form, and has a financial issue they are stressing over, but is there a mentally healthy way to approach these times without losing our minds? Obviously worrying does nothing to solve the problems, so what do we do?

How do you plan on making your way through these difficult financial times? What's working for you? What is your personal stimulus plan?